Dear Tide,
I am writing to say what wonderful product you have! I’ve used it all my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best.
Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better!
In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck.
One thing led to another and, somehow, I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative and, to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out!
In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my lawyer called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.
What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product.
Well, gotta go, have to write to the Hefty bag people.
A cannibal father and son went hunting. Deep in the jungle, they hid beside a trail. Soon, a little old man walked by. The son whispered, “Dad! There’s one. Let’s get him!”
“No,” said his father. “Not enough meat. We wait.”
Later, a fat man came along. “Dad! He’s huge. Let’s get him!”
“No,” his father said. “We’d all have heart attacks from all the fat in him. We wait.”
Hour later, an absolutely gorgeous woman approached.
“Dad! There’s nothing wrong with that one. Let’s eat her.”
“No,” said his father. “We’ll not eat her either.”
“Why not?”
“We’ll take her home alive and eat your mother!”
My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.
We discovered that, when I’m in a good mood, it turns green.
And when I’m in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his forehead.
Maybe next time the putz will by me a diamond.
Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.
When it’s clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day Mike says, “Joe, we both loved rugby all our lives, and we played rugby on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favor, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there’s rugby there.”
Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed. “Mike , you’ve been my best friend for many years. If it’s at all possible, I’ll do this favor for you.”
Shortly after that, Joe passes on.
At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, “Mike … Mike.”
“Who is it?” Asks Mike suddenly sitting up. “Who is it?”
“Mike … it’s me, Joe.”
“You’re not Joe. Joe just died,” says Mike.
“I’m telling you, it’s me, Joe,” insists the voice.
“Joe! Where are you?”
“In heaven”, replies Joe. “I have some really good news and a little bad news.”
“Tell me the good news first,” says Mike .
“The good news,” Joe says, “is that there’s rugby in heaven. Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we’re all young again. Better still, it’s always spring time and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play rugby all we want, and we never get tired.”
“That’s fantastic,” says Mike . “It’s beyond my wildest dreams! So what’s the bad news?”
“You’re on the team for Tuesday’s match!”
A married couple was lying in bed together.
Suddenly she felt his hand on her shoulder.
She murmured gently, “Ahh… nice.”
His hand moved to her breast.
She grew more excited, “Sweetie, that’s wonderful.”
His hand moved to her leg.
She moaned, “Honey, don’t stop!”
But then he stopped.
“Why did you stop?”
He responded with a click, “Because I found the remote!”.
He’s expected to be released from the hospital on Monday.
A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated.
As he examined the body of a Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he noticed the size of his manhood.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Schwartz”, said the mortician, “but I can’t send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be saved for posterity.”
With that, the mortician used his tools to remove the dead man’s private bit. He stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home.
The first person he showed it to was his wife.
“I have something to show you that you won’t believe,” he said, and opened up his briefcase.
“Oh my God!” the wife screamed. “Schwartz is dead!”
An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall.
“Excuse me,” said the man. “I can’t seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, “Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?”
“I have no idea, but any time I talk to a pretty young woman like you, she seems to appear out of nowhere.”
Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street.
They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, “Aye, ’tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin’ bad.”
Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said, “Aye, ’tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin’ victim to temptation as well.”
Then they see a catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen said, “What a terrible pity…one of the girls must be dyin’.”
Det har börjat komma mycket spam i kommentarerna till mina artiklar, iofs så har akismet tagit det men jag vill slippa att rensa bort skiten.
För att slippa det så har jag installerat en captcha funktion när man skall kommentera någon artikel i min blogg.
Den pluginen jag har installerat heter SI CAPTCHA och finns att ladda ner här http://wordpress.org/extend/plugins/si-captcha-for-wordpress/
För att få det att fungera med det themes jag använder, iNove, så var jag tvungen att lägga till:
<?php do_action('comment_form', $post->ID); ?>
i comments.php filen före raden för textarea rutan.
1. My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
“What’s on TV?” she asked.
“Dust,” I said …
And then the fight started.
2. My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, “I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.”
I bought her bathroom scales…
And then the fight started…
3. I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?”
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
“Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said.
So I suggested, “How about the kitchen?” …
And then the fight started….
