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A chicken farmer went to a local bar where he sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman perks up and says, “How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too.”
“What a coincidence,” says the farmer. “This is a special day for me … I’m celebrating.”
“This is a special day for me, too. I am also celebrating,” says the woman.
“What a coincidence!” says the farmer. As they clinked glasses the farmer asked, “What are you celebrating?”
“My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I’m pregnant.”
“What a coincidence,” says the farmer. “I’m a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.”
“That’s great!” says the woman. “How did you chickens become fertile?”
“I used a different cock,” replies the farmer.
The woman smiled and said, “Remarkable coincidence.”

God looked down at the earth and wanted to know what kind of behavior was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. So he called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time.
When the angel returned, he told God, “Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and 5% are not.”
God was disappointed but thought for a moment and said, “Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion.”
So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time, too.
True enough, when the second angel returned he went to God and said, “Yes, it’s true – the Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving and 5% are being good.”
God was not pleased. He decided to E-mail the 5% that were good, because he wanted to encourage them. Give them a little something to help them to continue being good.
Do you know what that E-mail said?
No?
Neither do I; I didn’t get one either … hehehe!

A man called his banker to check on his account.
“Your finances are in terrible shape,” said the banker. “Your checking account is overdrawn and your loan is overdue.”
“Yeah, I know,” said the man. “It’s my wife. She’s out of control.”
“Well, why do you let her spend more than you have?” asked the banker.
“Frankly,” sighed the man, “because it’s easier to argue with you than her!”

An irate woman loudly demanded to the newspaper customer service rep, “Where’s my Sunday paper?”
The rep answered, “Ma’am, today is Saturday. Your Sunday paper will be delivered tomorrow.”
There was a long pause at the other end of the phone, followed by a muttered, “Well, crap. No wonder there was nobody at church this morning!”

John Bradford, a Sydney University student, was on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a storm. The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.
Suddenly he saw a car slowly coming towards him and it stopped. John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door, then realized there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn’t on!
The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life.
Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and turned the wheel.
John, paralyzed with terror, watched how the hand appeared out of the darkness every time they came to a curve. Soon, John saw the lights of a pub down the road so, gathering his courage, he jumped out of the car and ran toward it. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and asked for two shots of tequila. He then started telling everybody about the horrible experience he went through.
A silence enveloped everyone when they realized he was crying and … he wasn’t drunk.
About 15 minutes later, two guys walked into the same pub. They were also wet and out of breath.
Looking around and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other, “Look, Bruce … there’s the bloody idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it.”

I have modified Alejandro Grijalba perl script check_mysql.pl so i does not spawn other program when it needs to communicate with mysql, now i use DBI::MySQL instedd.
Read more…

1. No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptise cats.
2. When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
3. If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4. Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5. You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.
6. Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7. Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8. You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9. Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10. The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandpa’s lap.

I bland kan man undra om inte detta stämmer.

Mera på http://www.wulffmorgenthaler.com

1. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.” – Woody Allen
2. “Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.” – Rodney Dangerfield
3. “There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL.” – Lynn Lavner
4. “Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.” – Camille Paglia
5. “Sex is one of the nine reasons for incarnation. The other eight are unimportant.” – George Burns
6. “Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.” – Sharon Stone
7. “Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.” – Robin Williams

1. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly, you’re in bed with a relative.
2. Why is it we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
3. When I was young we used to go “skinny dipping,” now I just “chunky dunk.”
4. I saw a young woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it. So I said “implants?” She hit me.
5. A good friend will come and bail you out of  jail; but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, “Damn … That was fun!”