www.GunnarD.se

1. The DNA all matches.
2. There are no dental records.

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“Hunting flies,” responded her husband.
“Oh. Killing any?” she asked.
“Yep, three males and two females,” he replied.
Intrigued, she asked, “How can you tell?”
“Three were on a beer can, and two were on the phone,” he replied.

A man boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde, female crew member to  take care of the box for him.
She took the box and promised to put it in the crew’s refrigerator.
He pointedly advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for the crabs staying frozen, mentioned that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.
Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.
Shortly before landing in New York , she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, “Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans, please raise your hand?”
Not one hand went up … so she took them home and ate them.
There are two lessons here, Voyeurwebbers:
1. Men never learn.
2. Blondes aren’t as dumb as most men would like to think.

1. “When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.”
2. The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are:
   “Why is it doing that?”
   “Where are we?”
   and
   “Oh, shit!”
3. “If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him.”
4. “Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once!”

Two sex workers are talking.
“How was your last ‘john,’ Desiree?”
“Okay, but cheap. And yours?”
“One of the best: a big, muscular, handsome marine.”
“Oh, yeah? What did he wanna do?”
“First, he asked how much for sex and I told him $100, but he didn’t have enough money. Then he asked how much for a BJ and I told him $50, but he didn’t have that much either. Then he asked how much for a hand job and I told him $25. He agreed, I reached in, and what a surprise! I put one hand around it, then another hand on top of that hand, and then my first hand on top of that one!”
“Damn, girl, he musta been huge! Then what happened?”
“I loaned him $75!”

As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Wilson became increasingly furious with her husband, who was obviously  delighted to be pressed tight against a gorgeous blonde.
As the elevator stopped at the ground floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Mr. Wilson, and said, “That will teach you to grab!”
Bewildered, Mr. Wilson was halfway through the lobby when he choked out, “I didn’t touch that woman.”
“Of course you didn’t,” said Mrs. Wilson. “I did!”

1. Heat attacks … God’s revenge for eating His little animal friends.
2. If you can read this … I can slam on my brakes and sue you.
3. Hang up and drive!
4. Some people just don’t know how to drive … I call these people “Everybody But Me”.
5. Jesus loves you … but everyone else thinks you’re an ass!”

A customer couldn’t get on the internet.
Helpdesk: “Are you sure you used the right password?”
Customer: “Yes I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.”
Helpdesk: “Can you tell me what the password is?”
Customer: “Five stars.”

Helpdesk: “What antivirus program do you use?”
Customer: “Netscape.”
Helpdesk: “That’s not an antivirus program.”
Customer: “Oh, sorry…Internet Explorer.”

Helpdesk: “How may I help you?”
Customer: “I’m writing my first e-mail.”
Helpdesk: “OK, and, what seems to be the problem?”
Customer: “Well, I have the letter ‘a’, but how do I get the circle around it?”

Helpdesk: “What kind of computer do you have?”
Female customer: “A white one…”

“Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha. I can’t print. Every time I try it says ‘Can’t find printer’. I’ve even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can’t find it…”

Helpdesk: “What’s on your monitor now, ma’am?”
Customer: “A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.”

Helpdesk: “And now hit F8.”
Customer: “It’s not working.”
Helpdesk: “What did you do, exactly?”
Customer: “I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing’s happening…”

Helpdesk: “Your password is the small letter ‘a’ as in ‘apple’, a capital letter ‘V’ as in ‘Victor’, and the number 7.
Customer: “Is that 7 in capital letters?”

Paddy and Mick are walking down a street in London. Paddy happens to look in one of the shop windows and sees a sign that catches his eye.
The sign said: “Suits £5.00 each, Shirts £2.00 each, Trousers £2.50 per pair”.
Paddy says to his pal, “Mick, look! We could buy a whole lot of dose, and when we get back to Ireland we could make a fookin’ fortune. Now when we go into the shop, you be quiet, OK? Just let me do all the talking, cause if they hear our accent, they might not be nice to us. I’ll speak in my best English accent.”
“Roight y’are, Paddy, I’ll keep me mouth shut, so I will,” replies Mick.
They go in and Paddy says, “I’ll take 50 suits at £5.00 each, 100 shirts at £2.00 each and 50 pairs of trousers at £2.50 each. I’ll back up my van and…”
The owner of the shop interrupts. “You’re from Ireland, aren’t you?”
“Well… yes,” says a surprised Paddy. “How der hell d’ y’ know dat?”
The owner replied, “This is a dry cleaners.”