A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
Suddenly, at 3 o’clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.
The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man “Holy crap! That must be my husband!”
So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.
A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, “I AM your husband!”
The woman yelled back, “Yeah, then why were you running?”
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving erratically all over the road.
A police officer pulls him over. “So,” said the officer to the driver, “Where have ya been?”
“Why, I’ve been to the pub of course,” slurs the driver.
“Well,” said the officer, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few to drink this evening.”
“I did alright,” said the driver, with a smile.
“Did you know,” said the officer, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?”
“Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the inebriated driver. “For a minute there I thought I’d gone deaf.”
Q. What’s the best way to get a man to do sit-ups?
A. Put the remote control between his toes!
took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
“I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please,” I told him.
He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”
“Nah”, I said, “she can order for herself.”
A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea.
“Do you enjoy it?” the doctor asked.
“Actually, yes, I do,” said the woman.
“Does it hurt you?” he asked.
“No. I rather like it,” she responded.
“Well, then,” the doctor continued, “there’s no reason that you shouldn’t practice anal sex, if that’s what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant.”
The woman was mystified. “What?! You can get pregnant from anal sex?”
“Of course,” the doctor replied. “Where do you think lawyers and politicians come from?”
Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he’d just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised, and he’s walking with a limp.
“What happend to you?” asks Sean, the bartender.
“Jamie O’Conner and me had a fight,” says Paddy.
“That little O’Conner,” says Sean. “He couldn’t do that to you, he must have had something in his hand.”
“Aye, that he did,” says Paddy, “a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin’he gave me with it.”
“Well,” says Sean, “you should have defended yourself. Didn’t you have something in your hand?”
“That I did,” says Paddy. “Mrs. O’Conner’s breast, and a thing of beauty it was; but useless in a fight.”
Endgame börjar efter ca: 300 dagar (100 dagar på en speed server) från att en runda startat.
Då kommer Nataren som spelas av servern. Nataren kommer till att börja med äga 14 byar, en huvudstad som finns på koordinaten 400|400 och 13 VU-byar, i dessa 13 byar kan man bygga ett VU när man har erövrat en sådan by. Men man kan inte börja bygga förän spelaren som har en VU by har en BP (Byggnadsplan) då kan han/hon bygga sitt VU till lvl 50, för att bygga över lvl50 så måste en annan i samma allians också ha en BP.
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Two couples were playing poker one evening when John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bill’s wife, Sue, wasn’t wearing any underwear under her dress!
Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced. Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments.
Bill’s wife followed and asked, “Did you see anything that you liked under there?”
Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well, indeed he did.
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Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having sex.
So Pinocchio went to visit old Gepetto to see if he could help.
Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper whenever he felt the need.
A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, “How’s the girlfriend?”
“Who needs a girlfriend?” Pinocchio replied.
A trial is taking place in Mississippi. The defendant is a sweet grandmotherly type.
Defense Attorney: What is your age?
Little Old Woman: I am 86 years old.
Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you?
Little Old Woman: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
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